Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
