My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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