Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
