Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
