I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
