i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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