Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
