He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
