Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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