dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
