I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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