i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
