If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
