he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
