either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
