My friends, they love my intelligence
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
