this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
