so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
