That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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