my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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