Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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