in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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