problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
