R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
