im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
