There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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