i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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