Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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