I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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