i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
