Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
