You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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