i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
