the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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