I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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