I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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