the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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