yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
