You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
