I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
