I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
