my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
