Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
