so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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