I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
