So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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