They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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