man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
