Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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