Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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