We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
