hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
