Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
