I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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